I don't know whether this is a depression problem, or a more general problem. Either way it strikes me as something that deserves comment. And so I'm going to comment on it!
I have an aversion to asking for help. It's something that I can do, but it requires a lot of effort on my part. If I pick up the phone to call a friend when I am really struggling then it will take me at least three 'go's of talking myself into the position where I will actually dial.
The thing is that my failure to ask for help (or to find it really difficult to ask for help) is not borne out of a false sense of pride or arrogance. I know that I can't do everything myself. No matter how hard I try. My difficulty with asking for help is that I don't want to inconvenience other people. And also that I don't want to ask for help and then be rejected.
I generally view myself as a bit of a problem in other people's lives. Hell, I consider myself to be a problem in my life! So why would anyone want to be involved in sorting me out? I struggle to see myself as actually just being another person who other people would want to talk to and be around.
This may appear odd to some people. I know that I generally speaking come across as self-confident and capable. Almost capable to the point of refusing help and being stubborn! And I can imagine that on occasion it could be perceived as rudeness. But it is never intended to be.
As an amusing anecdote to illustrate the point; today (for the first time) I have had a cleaner helping me out. This is a person that I am actually paying to help me! And yet I still find myself almost incapable of sitting still and keeping out of the way and just appreciating the help. (This may sound very familiar to several of my friends who have had to repeatedly tell me to sit down in the past!!)
So yes, asking for help is important. But I freely admit that I still don't really know how to do it!
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